For me, the experience of blogging has given me a deeper understanding towards people with different mindsets. It is easy for people to understand others who share their beliefs, social status, religion, culture, etc.  The challenge is trying to figure out the ones on the other side of the field.

As human beings, we want to think of ourselves as the “open-minded, equal opportunist, and unprejudiced” people that we definitely aren’t. I say that because it is impossible for anyone to accept anything that goes against their personal beliefs without bias. Come on people, stop pretending and have the courage to admit the truth. One thing that we can do is accept that there are people who don’t share our attitude or mentality regarding different issues. Having different perspectives doesn’t exactly mean that you have to be enemies. Or is that just human nature, “if you don’t agree with me then I can’t be your friend”. I understand when this has to do with a bunch of 1st graders, but grown-ups, please!!

One thing that I have come to realize is that most people practice hypocrisy when it comes to judging others. The most effortless act in any debate or discussion is to point out the opponent’s ignorance towards their beliefs. Have you asked yourself this: How will I react when this person doesn’t agree with my perspective on this topic? Apparently, your open mind has just decided to shut down because it’s your way or the highway.

One of the best rewards to maintaining a positive attitude in the event of debating is that you gain a wider understanding of your fellow human beings, despite your differences

 

 

One topic that never seems to get old is “gender roles”. There are a lot of discussions on the internet regarding this issue. One that I found interesting is this one on marriage and careers:
http://www.forbes.com/2006/08/23/Marriage-Careers-Divorce_cx_mn_land.html?thisSpeed=6000

I am not a feminist (for those of you who might get that idea from previous posts).  I just feel that if children were taught at a younger age that they should not be limited to the gender roles that society sees fit for them, it would be a better world. People definitely have different opinions on gender roles, depending on their race, culture, and religion. I believe that one basic rule should apply to everyone. Every human, men and women alike should have the right to choose what they prefer.  

There are obviously things that we can’t discard when it comes to gender roles, like men’s masculinity, which enables them to take on tougher chores or jobs. The same goes for women, childbearing and breastfeeding have given women the role of the nurturer in the family.

Because this is my personal belief, I tend not to instill that belief in my children. Although I do teach them the morals and standards of Islam, everything else I leave for them to decide. I need them to know that they do have a choice as to what they want in life. One thing that I am guilty of shoving down their throats is the belief that communicating effectively helps us understand each other. Whenever there is a misunderstanding, discussing the issue always seems to help.

One of my favorite pastimes is group discussions with my children. I have always encouraged them to speak their minds, as long as they do it in a respectful manner.  We usually discuss a variety of topics for the sole purpose of understanding each other’s perspectives on any given issue. 

The other day as we were discussing gender roles, my son, who is in college, said that when he does consider getting married, he would want his wife to work, at least until they decide to have children. My daughter on the other hand, also in college and working fulltime for the past few years, said that as soon as her husband finds a better job, she wants to retire to housewife. This was quite interesting, since we all knew how she hates anything remotely related to house work. When her brother asked her why the change of heart, she said “I used to think that a career would make me happy, but it didn’t. It has put a gap between me and my husband, so I want to try another alternative.”

So conclusively, this is what it all comes down to: “Everyone should at least have the right to choose their ‘role’ in life”

 

I’ve always been fascinated by stories of “conspiracy theories” and “secret societies” that secretly control governments around the world. I’m sure a lot of people do not believe in these kinds of things. Maybe the reason why I am so willing to believe in these theories is the fact that I’ve always believed that the events that happen around the world, such as wars, poverty, governmental breakdowns, etc., are caused by an orchestrated, hidden hand.

There are so many things that have happened in the last couple of decades that seem to justify my beliefs. When you think about the wars in the African countries, the Middle East, Bosnia, and South America, you can’t help but wonder why it is so hard to maintain peace in this world? During all of these wars, millions of people around the world gather to try and help stop the corruption. All you see on your television set are people on the streets from all around the world, protesting against wars, poverty, and genocide.

The funny thing is none of what almost every citizen on this earth strongly opposes seems to matter when it comes to the issue of “who controls what”. The simple citizens have no say whatsoever as to what goes on in this world. After all, it’s more likely that the more powerful and wealthy you are, the more influence you have. One thing though, power and wealth always seem to lead to greed, self-interest, and corruption. This is why there is a major gap throughout the world between the wealthy and the not so privileged. Maybe if there was more equality, peace might prevail.

Could this be the reason that so much has been said about a “New World Order” being lead by the “Elite” of this world? Among the long list of secret societies that were mentioned, the “illuminati”, was one of many who are supposedly trying to gain control over the world. I’m sure that some of you have heard about the “illuminati”. For those of you who haven’t, the movies “the da vinci code” and “angels and demons” have mentioned this secret society, although I’m pretty sure that was not the one which “supposedly” has the power to alter world events.

When you search hard enough, you will find all kinds of writings about conspiracies, secret societies, “government controlled research projects” that can alter the weather…….that kind of gets you thinking about the hurricanes that have been occurring lately. I know this sounds farfetched, but you can’t help but wonder…….what if?

 

I hope there is a way to address this issue without causing any commotion. The past few weeks, I have been debating “the hijab” with one of my readers, who like many, believes that hijab is a choice.

What I want to know is, why has “believing that hijab is a religious obligation” become offensive to so many people? Why are people offended by the hijab? Logically, people should view women wearing hijab as something inspirational because it represents modesty, which is preached by basically every religion. Ironically, these days it is offensive to even encourage modesty.

Judaism, Christianity, and Islam, all have declared that head covering is a religious obligation. If you really want to find the truth in what I’m saying just look it up. Some people will say that this was in the past. Can someone please tell me, since when are people allowed to alter religious beliefs.

You don’t even have to be religious to know that women, just until the 19th century wore head coverings. Call me dumb, but I don’t really think that women decided to cover their heads just for the heck of it, there has to be some origin to this custom. I’m not even going to mention nuns, because obviously, if that was considered, the discussion in hand wouldn’t have to go any further. Maybe some people “choose” not to see the truth, even if it is right in front of them.

I’m not saying that women should be forced to wear hijab. What I believe is that it is an obligation to Muslim women to wear it, as it is obviously stated in the Quran. It should be encouraged as a religious principle. The issue of actually wearing it or not is up to you. With that being said, not every Muslim abides by Islamic laws. Everyone has a choice. If, as a Muslim, you choose not to wear hijab, that is your choice, just as choosing not to pray or fast is a choice. Like I said; not every Muslim abides by Islamic law.

One question that remains unanswered though is, why is promoting the hijab so offensive to non Muslims and Muslims alike? You can’t help but wonder about the “fear” surrounding this issue. It almost seems like people are threatened by it.

 

Have you ever felt like you were lost in a tunnel trying to find some light? It’s sad that some people live most of their lives like that; trying to figure out when the nightmare will end. Someone I know lives in a state of depression basically every day of her life. She’s in bed during the day and half of the night.
I’ve always wondered what causes depression. I’ve read a lot about how depressed people always feel sad, tired, hopeless, and they also lose interest in their daily activities. Sometimes I find myself feeling that way without knowing what triggered those feelings. I truly believe that prayer is always the remedy when I’m not feeling well and it helps me overcome those depressing feelings. It saddens me to know that there are people who actually give in to depression to the point where it takes over their lives.
I guess the reason I mentioned depression is that these past few weeks, I really felt depressed. I felt helpless, sad, and I even lost interest in doing anything anymore. I felt like my whole world was crumbling around me and I couldn’t do anything about it.  
As some of you know, I was on my way to fulfilling my lifetime dream of continuing my education. A few months ago, I decided to quit attending college. I was faced with the responsibility of caring for my partially disabled daughter, who has been living with her father for the past few years. I have been trying to take her back to live with me ever since I remarried, but unfortunately things didn’t work out to my advantage. The fact that my father and brothers were against the idea, (for God knows what reasons) didn’t help the matter much either.
Taking my daughter to live with me required a lot of time and effort on my behalf, so consequently, I made the decision to quit college and care for my daughter. She is 20 years old but she has the mind of a 6 year old child. She is hearing impaired, overweight, and can hardly move around on her own. I basically do everything for her.
She wasn’t always like this. When she was living with me, she attended school and learned sign language. Her weight was normal before she went to live with her father. Every time she came to visit me, she was gaining more and more weight. I even noticed that she wasn’t signing anymore. I decided that I needed to do something. When my daughter was visiting, I told her brother to tell their father that I wanted her to live with me. At that point, all hell broke loose. After I refused to take her back, her father went to my brothers. My brothers ”demanded” that I take her back but I refused, telling them that if they cared about my daughter they wouldn’t tell me to take her to her father, because obviously he didn’t care about her either.
After a few months of turmoil, I finally put my foot down and made a decision based on my choices and not that of my family. It is hard for someone like me to stand up for what I want because I’ve always felt bad about going against my family, even if that meant my happiness. I would always justify my cowardice by believing that my family always had good intentions for doing what they did.
Now that she’s been living with me these past few months, I’m trying to help her lose some weight and get her back to school. It gets very frustrating at times, especially when she refuses to do anything. I know it is going to take a lot of time and effort to get her back in shape but hopefully everything will work out.
One thing I know is that I’ll never give up because I know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

 

It’s been a while since I last blogged. Which is not due to the lack of things to blog about, but is actually because of the fact that there are too many things going on in my life? I guess I felt too overwhelmed to write about anything. There are times when I ask myself why I even bother blogging. Maybe if there were more people in my life that I can open up to and discuss my troubles with than I wouldn’t have started blogging in the first place. To be honest, it’s not even that, it has been my passion to write since I was a kid. Becoming a writer was once my dream, a dream that I woke up from a long time ago. Once I realized that being “myself” was absolutely impossible, I had learned to adapt to becoming another person.

I ‘m sure that I am one of many who wishes to be accepted, appreciated, and acknowledged as a genuine person amongst the people they love. I’ve spent the majority of my life trying to live up to my family’s expectations and in the process, I’ve lost myself. I don’t know what it is that I want in life anymore. I grew up in one culture, and have been trying for the most part of my life to become a part of another culture. This is mainly why I feel that I have lost grip of my goals, responsibilities, and priorities in every aspect of my life. Every time I choose to change the course of my future, I am criticized and condemned by the people that I have grown to recognize as my family. The same people who live and are governed by a strict and traditionally controlled” isolated bubble”.

 
At the early age of fourteen, I had taken the role of a wife and mother while living in a country I knew nothing about, simply trying to adapt to what I thought to be a very foreign and strange environment at the time. Seriously though, does a thirteen year old have the wisdom to actual comprehend the concept of marriage? Anyway, back to my story. In this far away land, people saw me as a shame to their culture and as a result I was constantly mocked and laughed at. Instead of trying to make people understand the “real” me, I chose to change my identity and become one of them for the mere purpose of fitting into their society. This was the first step in a long journey of recreating my identity. Throughout my entire life, I had to deal with a culturally divided mindset, which consequently distorted my vision of reasonableness.

Although I was fully proficient at living out my obligated role in the societal structure that I lived in, I was always labeled “the independent rebel” for one reason or the other. This was not due to my actions but simply because of my self-governing mindset. I have had to live with this label and its consequences throughout my life because I was the girl who grew up in the U.S.  The fact that I have lived an isolated life surrounded with narrow minded human beings is another obstacle in my life that does nothing but tie me down even more. I am viewed as an outcast amongst my people. Every time something went wrong, it was always because of my “twisted beliefs”, as everyone referred to them. I did not choose to be influenced by the culture I grew up in because actually it was my father’s choice to move to the west to find a better way of living; I had no say in that decision. I am not saying that I prefer the ideology of western society over Islamic principles. I truly believe that I am a religious person who strives to do what is right. Unfortunately, what is right is not even an option in some cultures. People are controlled by customs and traditions that have nothing whatsoever to do with religious beliefs.

Throughout my 39 years, I’ve been through so much that sometimes I’m surprised that I’m still here. Even at the moment, the drama continues. These past few weeks, I have tried to make extreme changes in my life. Unfortunately, I had forgotten for the millionth time that I have no control over my life. I am bound to living my life as others see fit. One of the reasons that I cannot change my destiny is the fact that I am a coward. I choose to allow my family to control every aspect of my life because I do not have the courage to say no. Everyone outside of my family tells me to put my foot down and start taking control of my life but I fear the consequences of losing the people I have lived my entire life with.  Why can’t I live a peaceful life without dealing with the outcome of becoming the outcast or the black sheep of the family? If this seems like another case of “having my cake and eating too”, it most definitely is not.

I just completed my finals and I am very happy about my grades.

I wasn’t feeling very optimistic a few weeks ago, although I did study very hard. I guess I was  overwhelmed with  the responsibility that I was faced with after my husband left to Yemen two months ago. Fortunately, everything went well and I am excited to say that my GPA is 4.0.

I wanted to take some time off for a couple of months, but after thinking about it, I figured that I would take a class in Spring and one in Summer.

Just thought I would share my excitement.

What is happiness? Is it an emotional condition expressed through satisfaction or content? Can a person be happy without feeling satisfied or content? Happiness can be expressed many different ways. Some people are happy with materialistic achievements and some are happy curing diseases in third world countries. My point is that each individual perceives happiness differently.
I used to think at one point in my life that happiness was an inevitable achievement that smart people obtain by making the right choices in life. I was very naïve back then. I remember how I was determined to be a happy person, no matter what happened to me. One thing I failed to realize is that there are forces beyond our control that determine how our lives are destined to be. Some call it the will of God; some call it luck, or maybe even karma. Whichever you choose to believe, there will always be a reason that you are not fully satisfied with your life.
I know I sound pessimistic, but I actually believe that we were not created to merely fulfill our dreams and be happy. Life is never that simple. For every day of happiness, there will be weeks of complications, obstacles, and hardships that follow. There are times when I feel so overwhelmed by sadness that I feel like I will never feel happy again. I find that the best thing to do is to let go of the issues that bother me or make me feel unhappy. It is never easy to avoid the important situations in your life, because obviously, these are the issues that cause you pain.
I have tried to understand why life is so complicated and why certain things happen in my life, things that I believe I have no control over, but unfortunately, have failed to find an answer to. This is why I turn to God. Prayer has always been my remedy for everything that I cannot deal with in life. I know that there are matters that simply cannot be resolved by human will, which is why I seek guidance from God to help overcome the hardships and complications that follow me every now and then.
With age comes wisdom. Now that I am older and wiser, my perception of happiness has changed. I have learned to accept and adapt to everything that life throws at me with a strong will and positive attitude. This is why it is easier for me to accept any negativity in my life without necessarily being unhappy.  

Next week is finals week………now you know why I’m not making any sense at all. : P

The other day at the clinic, a couple came in to see the doctor. As I was seeing them into one of the vacant rooms, the conversation started like this:

 
The wife: How are you Eman?
Me: I am great, how about yourself?
W:  Other than having to deal with him (husband), I am ok.
Me: I hope he is not giving you a hard time.
Husband: Don’t believe the drama queen, she adores me.
H: She is mad because we were discussing the “hijab”.
Me:  Interesting……….why would discussing the hijab upset you, wife (don’t wanna use names)
W: He has been on my case about wearing the hijab and I’m just not ready.
H: Please Eman, help me out here. You wear a hijab; tell her it’s not so bad.
Me: Sorry, this is something that concerns the both of you, leave me out of this.
W: I don’t mind Eman, do you think that he should force me to wear the hijab.
Me:  No, I don’t think he should force you to wear it if you are not 100% sure about it. Excuse me; I have some work to do (trying to find a way out of the situation)

 
This is not the first time this has happened; a lot of couples have discussed this same issue in my presence. I really feel uncomfortable the way the husbands put me in the discussion, it feels so awkward.
When I was back at my desk, I did the usual (process and analyze technique). I started wondering how people should deal with this issue. I know for a lot of people in the States and maybe even back home they might say that it is a woman’s choice. This is the part where I’m lost. I don’t know how and when this resolution was made. What I know is the hijab is to be worn by every Muslim woman, which is stated in the Quran. I’m pretty sure that every Muslim has read the Quran and knows very well that this is the truth.
For those of you, who want to argue about this issue, please come up with any proof from the Quran or Hadith that states otherwise.  Another thing I find inexcusable, is the way Muslim families are compliant to the freedoms that accompany life in a non-Islamic country; well actually it has become a norm in Islamic countries too. You do realize that in this country, freedom of religion is every citizen’s right? Why are we so ashamed of our religious ways? Why can’t we take pride in our religion and defend what our religion stands for? Do we feel that we have to sacrifice our religion to fit into this society? This is what I call a cowardly attempt to justify our actions, by misinterpreting the concept of religion.
If you are a true Muslim, and you actually care about your children’s well-being, teach them to respect their religion and be proud of everything that it represents. After all, that is how it starts, with the proper upbringing.
Trust me women, I’m really trying to help you here. If you are non-religious, and you choose not to wear hijab, than that is a whole different issue. I just feel uncomfortable with people who call themselves religious and try to defend their belief in “hijab is a choice theory.”
Even as I’m writing this post, I’m pretty sure that nobody will comment; this is an issue that is considered taboo.  Although, I do look forward to getting a comment from the “hijab is a choice” believers.

I have always wondered why it is so hard to find a true friend that I can confide in, relate to, and feel comfortable around. I’ve had friends come and go, but I have never come across a person who I am comfortable with and can trust. The only best friend I’ve ever had is my older sister. We’ve been through a lot together, but these past few years, we have drifted apart, due to a lot of personal issues. I guess it was easier for us to connect when we were younger but nowadays, we simply have nothing in common any more.
Part of why I don’t have close friends is maybe because I’ve been isolated most of my life. Another reason is because I’ve been moving from here to Yemen and back since I was 12, which makes it even harder to find friends when you don’t have a stable life or home.
I guess my mentality and lifestyle also have something to do with my lack of close friends. I consider myself a liberal at mind, yet conservative when it comes to my lifestyle.  (This has nothing to do with politics, I’m referring to lifestyle choices) When I say liberal, I don’t mean extremely liberal. I’m open-minded, I believe in equality and freedom and justice for all. My lifestyle on the other hand, is very conservative. I am a practicing Muslim, who wears hijab and follows a very strict Islamic lifestyle. You’re probably wondering how a person can be liberal and conservative at the same time. I think that it is very possible because we choose our beliefs and behavior. I just follow the ideas that I strongly believe in. Taking a little of both sides is not a crime. Let’s just say I’m a crossroad between liberal and conservative.
There are times when I think that I really don’t know what I’m talking about because I try expressing what I feel or believe without actually considering that I might be wrong about a certain issue or topic. To be honest, it really never matters to me what others think about my opinions, as long as I know that I will never hurt or mistreat any one, I definitely have the right to my own opinions. 
Getting back to the subject, I must say that I’ve come across many people who believe that my mentality contradicts with my lifestyle. People tend to judge me based on my choice of clothing (which is a jilbab and hijab). For some reason, people seem to believe that Islam and liberalism contradict each other. I don’t see why they can’t co-exist. It mostly depends on how you define liberalism.
One day in class, my professor asked each of us to read our papers in front of the class. After I finished reading my paper, the students asked me questions about what I wrote. They were surprised how open-minded I was because they noticed that I was very shy and never spoke much in class. One of the students asked me if I was allowed to speak with men (which surprised me). I didn’t see anything wrong with the question because that was his way of understanding more about my culture.
This incident made me realize that people do notice that I don’t socialize with men. That is part of the mentality that I became accustomed to (when I was living in Yemen). Another thing that I have come to realize is the fact that every culture, other than Yemeni culture, believes it is normal for a female to socialize with men. In the Yemeni culture, it is inappropriate for women to socialize with the opposite sex. The funny thing is, I’ve been working and attending school, and I still have the same mentality. I always try to avoid talking or interacting with the opposite sex. My employer tells me that I need to open up and socialize more often if I plan on pursuing my career. Even the female employees that I work with find it strange that I don’t socialize with men, considering how open-minded I am.
I can honestly say that my behavior towards men comes from fear of being judged by my own culture. I hate that most Yemeni men see women as nothing more than sexual objects and that is basically why I don’t interact with men. I’ve always thought that all Arab men are alike, but I was proven wrong.  I know there are a low percentage of Yemeni males who judge women based on their intellect, but the majority still follows the same ignorant mentality that does not see beyond the physical aspects of a female.
I’ve been around men from different Arab backgrounds and I can honestly say that it actually saddens me to know that Yemeni men are almost the only ones who view women and judge them in a disrespectful manner. I’m pretty sure there are some males from different cultures that have the same mentality, but the Yemeni’s make up the majority. 
I do this a lot. I start talking about one subject and then drift into another. Back to my subject…………Why are true friends hard to find? Why can’t I find someone that I can relate to, someone with similar interests? Is there something wrong with me?