I hope there is a way to address this issue without causing any commotion. The past few weeks, I have been debating “the hijab” with one of my readers, who like many, believes that hijab is a choice.

What I want to know is, why has “believing that hijab is a religious obligation” become offensive to so many people? Why are people offended by the hijab? Logically, people should view women wearing hijab as something inspirational because it represents modesty, which is preached by basically every religion. Ironically, these days it is offensive to even encourage modesty.

Judaism, Christianity, and Islam, all have declared that head covering is a religious obligation. If you really want to find the truth in what I’m saying just look it up. Some people will say that this was in the past. Can someone please tell me, since when are people allowed to alter religious beliefs.

You don’t even have to be religious to know that women, just until the 19th century wore head coverings. Call me dumb, but I don’t really think that women decided to cover their heads just for the heck of it, there has to be some origin to this custom. I’m not even going to mention nuns, because obviously, if that was considered, the discussion in hand wouldn’t have to go any further. Maybe some people “choose” not to see the truth, even if it is right in front of them.

I’m not saying that women should be forced to wear hijab. What I believe is that it is an obligation to Muslim women to wear it, as it is obviously stated in the Quran. It should be encouraged as a religious principle. The issue of actually wearing it or not is up to you. With that being said, not every Muslim abides by Islamic laws. Everyone has a choice. If, as a Muslim, you choose not to wear hijab, that is your choice, just as choosing not to pray or fast is a choice. Like I said; not every Muslim abides by Islamic law.

One question that remains unanswered though is, why is promoting the hijab so offensive to non Muslims and Muslims alike? You can’t help but wonder about the “fear” surrounding this issue. It almost seems like people are threatened by it.

 

Have you ever felt like you were lost in a tunnel trying to find some light? It’s sad that some people live most of their lives like that; trying to figure out when the nightmare will end. Someone I know lives in a state of depression basically every day of her life. She’s in bed during the day and half of the night.
I’ve always wondered what causes depression. I’ve read a lot about how depressed people always feel sad, tired, hopeless, and they also lose interest in their daily activities. Sometimes I find myself feeling that way without knowing what triggered those feelings. I truly believe that prayer is always the remedy when I’m not feeling well and it helps me overcome those depressing feelings. It saddens me to know that there are people who actually give in to depression to the point where it takes over their lives.
I guess the reason I mentioned depression is that these past few weeks, I really felt depressed. I felt helpless, sad, and I even lost interest in doing anything anymore. I felt like my whole world was crumbling around me and I couldn’t do anything about it.  
As some of you know, I was on my way to fulfilling my lifetime dream of continuing my education. A few months ago, I decided to quit attending college. I was faced with the responsibility of caring for my partially disabled daughter, who has been living with her father for the past few years. I have been trying to take her back to live with me ever since I remarried, but unfortunately things didn’t work out to my advantage. The fact that my father and brothers were against the idea, (for God knows what reasons) didn’t help the matter much either.
Taking my daughter to live with me required a lot of time and effort on my behalf, so consequently, I made the decision to quit college and care for my daughter. She is 20 years old but she has the mind of a 6 year old child. She is hearing impaired, overweight, and can hardly move around on her own. I basically do everything for her.
She wasn’t always like this. When she was living with me, she attended school and learned sign language. Her weight was normal before she went to live with her father. Every time she came to visit me, she was gaining more and more weight. I even noticed that she wasn’t signing anymore. I decided that I needed to do something. When my daughter was visiting, I told her brother to tell their father that I wanted her to live with me. At that point, all hell broke loose. After I refused to take her back, her father went to my brothers. My brothers ”demanded” that I take her back but I refused, telling them that if they cared about my daughter they wouldn’t tell me to take her to her father, because obviously he didn’t care about her either.
After a few months of turmoil, I finally put my foot down and made a decision based on my choices and not that of my family. It is hard for someone like me to stand up for what I want because I’ve always felt bad about going against my family, even if that meant my happiness. I would always justify my cowardice by believing that my family always had good intentions for doing what they did.
Now that she’s been living with me these past few months, I’m trying to help her lose some weight and get her back to school. It gets very frustrating at times, especially when she refuses to do anything. I know it is going to take a lot of time and effort to get her back in shape but hopefully everything will work out.
One thing I know is that I’ll never give up because I know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

 

It’s been a while since I last blogged. Which is not due to the lack of things to blog about, but is actually because of the fact that there are too many things going on in my life? I guess I felt too overwhelmed to write about anything. There are times when I ask myself why I even bother blogging. Maybe if there were more people in my life that I can open up to and discuss my troubles with than I wouldn’t have started blogging in the first place. To be honest, it’s not even that, it has been my passion to write since I was a kid. Becoming a writer was once my dream, a dream that I woke up from a long time ago. Once I realized that being “myself” was absolutely impossible, I had learned to adapt to becoming another person.

I ‘m sure that I am one of many who wishes to be accepted, appreciated, and acknowledged as a genuine person amongst the people they love. I’ve spent the majority of my life trying to live up to my family’s expectations and in the process, I’ve lost myself. I don’t know what it is that I want in life anymore. I grew up in one culture, and have been trying for the most part of my life to become a part of another culture. This is mainly why I feel that I have lost grip of my goals, responsibilities, and priorities in every aspect of my life. Every time I choose to change the course of my future, I am criticized and condemned by the people that I have grown to recognize as my family. The same people who live and are governed by a strict and traditionally controlled” isolated bubble”.

 
At the early age of fourteen, I had taken the role of a wife and mother while living in a country I knew nothing about, simply trying to adapt to what I thought to be a very foreign and strange environment at the time. Seriously though, does a thirteen year old have the wisdom to actual comprehend the concept of marriage? Anyway, back to my story. In this far away land, people saw me as a shame to their culture and as a result I was constantly mocked and laughed at. Instead of trying to make people understand the “real” me, I chose to change my identity and become one of them for the mere purpose of fitting into their society. This was the first step in a long journey of recreating my identity. Throughout my entire life, I had to deal with a culturally divided mindset, which consequently distorted my vision of reasonableness.

Although I was fully proficient at living out my obligated role in the societal structure that I lived in, I was always labeled “the independent rebel” for one reason or the other. This was not due to my actions but simply because of my self-governing mindset. I have had to live with this label and its consequences throughout my life because I was the girl who grew up in the U.S.  The fact that I have lived an isolated life surrounded with narrow minded human beings is another obstacle in my life that does nothing but tie me down even more. I am viewed as an outcast amongst my people. Every time something went wrong, it was always because of my “twisted beliefs”, as everyone referred to them. I did not choose to be influenced by the culture I grew up in because actually it was my father’s choice to move to the west to find a better way of living; I had no say in that decision. I am not saying that I prefer the ideology of western society over Islamic principles. I truly believe that I am a religious person who strives to do what is right. Unfortunately, what is right is not even an option in some cultures. People are controlled by customs and traditions that have nothing whatsoever to do with religious beliefs.

Throughout my 39 years, I’ve been through so much that sometimes I’m surprised that I’m still here. Even at the moment, the drama continues. These past few weeks, I have tried to make extreme changes in my life. Unfortunately, I had forgotten for the millionth time that I have no control over my life. I am bound to living my life as others see fit. One of the reasons that I cannot change my destiny is the fact that I am a coward. I choose to allow my family to control every aspect of my life because I do not have the courage to say no. Everyone outside of my family tells me to put my foot down and start taking control of my life but I fear the consequences of losing the people I have lived my entire life with.  Why can’t I live a peaceful life without dealing with the outcome of becoming the outcast or the black sheep of the family? If this seems like another case of “having my cake and eating too”, it most definitely is not.

I just completed my finals and I am very happy about my grades.

I wasn’t feeling very optimistic a few weeks ago, although I did study very hard. I guess I was  overwhelmed with  the responsibility that I was faced with after my husband left to Yemen two months ago. Fortunately, everything went well and I am excited to say that my GPA is 4.0.

I wanted to take some time off for a couple of months, but after thinking about it, I figured that I would take a class in Spring and one in Summer.

Just thought I would share my excitement.

What is happiness? Is it an emotional condition expressed through satisfaction or content? Can a person be happy without feeling satisfied or content? Happiness can be expressed many different ways. Some people are happy with materialistic achievements and some are happy curing diseases in third world countries. My point is that each individual perceives happiness differently.
I used to think at one point in my life that happiness was an inevitable achievement that smart people obtain by making the right choices in life. I was very naïve back then. I remember how I was determined to be a happy person, no matter what happened to me. One thing I failed to realize is that there are forces beyond our control that determine how our lives are destined to be. Some call it the will of God; some call it luck, or maybe even karma. Whichever you choose to believe, there will always be a reason that you are not fully satisfied with your life.
I know I sound pessimistic, but I actually believe that we were not created to merely fulfill our dreams and be happy. Life is never that simple. For every day of happiness, there will be weeks of complications, obstacles, and hardships that follow. There are times when I feel so overwhelmed by sadness that I feel like I will never feel happy again. I find that the best thing to do is to let go of the issues that bother me or make me feel unhappy. It is never easy to avoid the important situations in your life, because obviously, these are the issues that cause you pain.
I have tried to understand why life is so complicated and why certain things happen in my life, things that I believe I have no control over, but unfortunately, have failed to find an answer to. This is why I turn to God. Prayer has always been my remedy for everything that I cannot deal with in life. I know that there are matters that simply cannot be resolved by human will, which is why I seek guidance from God to help overcome the hardships and complications that follow me every now and then.
With age comes wisdom. Now that I am older and wiser, my perception of happiness has changed. I have learned to accept and adapt to everything that life throws at me with a strong will and positive attitude. This is why it is easier for me to accept any negativity in my life without necessarily being unhappy.  

Next week is finals week………now you know why I’m not making any sense at all. : P

The other day at the clinic, a couple came in to see the doctor. As I was seeing them into one of the vacant rooms, the conversation started like this:

 
The wife: How are you Eman?
Me: I am great, how about yourself?
W:  Other than having to deal with him (husband), I am ok.
Me: I hope he is not giving you a hard time.
Husband: Don’t believe the drama queen, she adores me.
H: She is mad because we were discussing the “hijab”.
Me:  Interesting……….why would discussing the hijab upset you, wife (don’t wanna use names)
W: He has been on my case about wearing the hijab and I’m just not ready.
H: Please Eman, help me out here. You wear a hijab; tell her it’s not so bad.
Me: Sorry, this is something that concerns the both of you, leave me out of this.
W: I don’t mind Eman, do you think that he should force me to wear the hijab.
Me:  No, I don’t think he should force you to wear it if you are not 100% sure about it. Excuse me; I have some work to do (trying to find a way out of the situation)

 
This is not the first time this has happened; a lot of couples have discussed this same issue in my presence. I really feel uncomfortable the way the husbands put me in the discussion, it feels so awkward.
When I was back at my desk, I did the usual (process and analyze technique). I started wondering how people should deal with this issue. I know for a lot of people in the States and maybe even back home they might say that it is a woman’s choice. This is the part where I’m lost. I don’t know how and when this resolution was made. What I know is the hijab is to be worn by every Muslim woman, which is stated in the Quran. I’m pretty sure that every Muslim has read the Quran and knows very well that this is the truth.
For those of you, who want to argue about this issue, please come up with any proof from the Quran or Hadith that states otherwise.  Another thing I find inexcusable, is the way Muslim families are compliant to the freedoms that accompany life in a non-Islamic country; well actually it has become a norm in Islamic countries too. You do realize that in this country, freedom of religion is every citizen’s right? Why are we so ashamed of our religious ways? Why can’t we take pride in our religion and defend what our religion stands for? Do we feel that we have to sacrifice our religion to fit into this society? This is what I call a cowardly attempt to justify our actions, by misinterpreting the concept of religion.
If you are a true Muslim, and you actually care about your children’s well-being, teach them to respect their religion and be proud of everything that it represents. After all, that is how it starts, with the proper upbringing.
Trust me women, I’m really trying to help you here. If you are non-religious, and you choose not to wear hijab, than that is a whole different issue. I just feel uncomfortable with people who call themselves religious and try to defend their belief in “hijab is a choice theory.”
Even as I’m writing this post, I’m pretty sure that nobody will comment; this is an issue that is considered taboo.  Although, I do look forward to getting a comment from the “hijab is a choice” believers.

I have always wondered why it is so hard to find a true friend that I can confide in, relate to, and feel comfortable around. I’ve had friends come and go, but I have never come across a person who I am comfortable with and can trust. The only best friend I’ve ever had is my older sister. We’ve been through a lot together, but these past few years, we have drifted apart, due to a lot of personal issues. I guess it was easier for us to connect when we were younger but nowadays, we simply have nothing in common any more.
Part of why I don’t have close friends is maybe because I’ve been isolated most of my life. Another reason is because I’ve been moving from here to Yemen and back since I was 12, which makes it even harder to find friends when you don’t have a stable life or home.
I guess my mentality and lifestyle also have something to do with my lack of close friends. I consider myself a liberal at mind, yet conservative when it comes to my lifestyle.  (This has nothing to do with politics, I’m referring to lifestyle choices) When I say liberal, I don’t mean extremely liberal. I’m open-minded, I believe in equality and freedom and justice for all. My lifestyle on the other hand, is very conservative. I am a practicing Muslim, who wears hijab and follows a very strict Islamic lifestyle. You’re probably wondering how a person can be liberal and conservative at the same time. I think that it is very possible because we choose our beliefs and behavior. I just follow the ideas that I strongly believe in. Taking a little of both sides is not a crime. Let’s just say I’m a crossroad between liberal and conservative.
There are times when I think that I really don’t know what I’m talking about because I try expressing what I feel or believe without actually considering that I might be wrong about a certain issue or topic. To be honest, it really never matters to me what others think about my opinions, as long as I know that I will never hurt or mistreat any one, I definitely have the right to my own opinions. 
Getting back to the subject, I must say that I’ve come across many people who believe that my mentality contradicts with my lifestyle. People tend to judge me based on my choice of clothing (which is a jilbab and hijab). For some reason, people seem to believe that Islam and liberalism contradict each other. I don’t see why they can’t co-exist. It mostly depends on how you define liberalism.
One day in class, my professor asked each of us to read our papers in front of the class. After I finished reading my paper, the students asked me questions about what I wrote. They were surprised how open-minded I was because they noticed that I was very shy and never spoke much in class. One of the students asked me if I was allowed to speak with men (which surprised me). I didn’t see anything wrong with the question because that was his way of understanding more about my culture.
This incident made me realize that people do notice that I don’t socialize with men. That is part of the mentality that I became accustomed to (when I was living in Yemen). Another thing that I have come to realize is the fact that every culture, other than Yemeni culture, believes it is normal for a female to socialize with men. In the Yemeni culture, it is inappropriate for women to socialize with the opposite sex. The funny thing is, I’ve been working and attending school, and I still have the same mentality. I always try to avoid talking or interacting with the opposite sex. My employer tells me that I need to open up and socialize more often if I plan on pursuing my career. Even the female employees that I work with find it strange that I don’t socialize with men, considering how open-minded I am.
I can honestly say that my behavior towards men comes from fear of being judged by my own culture. I hate that most Yemeni men see women as nothing more than sexual objects and that is basically why I don’t interact with men. I’ve always thought that all Arab men are alike, but I was proven wrong.  I know there are a low percentage of Yemeni males who judge women based on their intellect, but the majority still follows the same ignorant mentality that does not see beyond the physical aspects of a female.
I’ve been around men from different Arab backgrounds and I can honestly say that it actually saddens me to know that Yemeni men are almost the only ones who view women and judge them in a disrespectful manner. I’m pretty sure there are some males from different cultures that have the same mentality, but the Yemeni’s make up the majority. 
I do this a lot. I start talking about one subject and then drift into another. Back to my subject…………Why are true friends hard to find? Why can’t I find someone that I can relate to, someone with similar interests? Is there something wrong with me?

As a mother, I know for a fact that television has a major influence on children. Unfortunately, not everything they watch is appropriate for them.  Television has both a negative and positive influence on children. Considering that children spend more time watching television than any other daily activity, it is not a surprise that it will have an impact on their behavior. I find my children imitating what they watch on TV all the time, which is natural because that is how children learn to behave, by watching others. Parents need to realize that television should not be considered an alternative babysitter for their young ones. It is our job, as parents, to monitor what our children watch and provide them with an understandable explanation for what the media negligently provides on television.

We see drugs, sex, nudity, and vulgar language portrayed on practically every show or program on television. These issues are portrayed as a source of entertainment for adults. Children, on the other hand, should not be exposed to this kind of entertainment, especially at an age in which they don’t have the ability to make a distinction between reality and fantasy. Children seem to believe that whatever they see on television is a reflection of the ideal American family. Consequently, they start to imitate those less than perfect exhibits for the mere purpose of “fitting in” to this judgmental society. Children’s preference of clothing is another example of how television influences them. Young boys choose to wear clothes a couple sizes bigger than their own just to look like the “rappers” they see on television. The girls like wearing everything and anything that “Hannah Montana” or the “Cheetah Girls” are wearing. At school, if you wear anything outside of the latest fashion trends you are considered an outcast. So when I say that television has a major influence on our children, am I exaggerating? I don’t think so.

Due to the fact that there is a lot of negativity on TV, children should have restrictions to what they watch or at least be monitored while watching TV.  If or when an inappropriate issue comes up during a program, the parent should explain to the child that what they’re watching is not real and is only provided to entertain. Children are naturally curious about everything. They are constantly asking “what, why, where, who, and when?” which is a healthy and normal learning process for all children. To satisfy that curiosity, it is always important to talk to them about what they see on television because they lack the ability to distinguish between what is real and what is fantasy. They need to acknowledge that what is on television is merely entertainment.

Teaching our children what is or isn’t appropriate to watch is every parents responsibility. After all, it is just like teaching them basic moral standards. On a daily basis we teach our children that there is certain behavior or speech that is inappropriate and vice versa. That same principle should apply to television. By providing children answers and explanations to the negative messages that are being portrayed throughout TV programming, we help build a clearer perspective of television in their minds. I will not lie to you though, there‘s always going to be the inevitable question almost every child asks, “If it is not appropriate, then why do they show it on television?”, which is a question even parents want an answer to.

It is a known fact that children imitate the behavior of those around them. That is how they learn human behavior. Although most of the programs on television are inappropriate for kids, there are some educational programs, cartoons, comedies, and movies that portray respectful human ethics that are suitable for them. Some of the programs we watch as a family are “7th Heaven” and “Little mosque on the prairie,” which are suitable for families with religious beliefs. Programs like Sesame Street, Barney, Clifford, and Dragon Tales are some of my three year old son’s favorites. These kinds of programs are both educational and entertaining for kids. Children learn to count and say new words from watching these programs. It is because of these programs that we don’t totally disapprove of television.

(This is an essay I wrote for my English class. I thought it would be an interesting issue to post about. )

 

The other day at school, a friend of mine mentioned that the day I was absent, one of the other students started talking negatively about Arab-Americans. She didn’t go into details about what was said, but she did say that she was bothered by the fact that white people always seem to think that they are superior to other races. To be honest, this was the first time that I actually felt the negative effect of racism. Throughout my life, I’ve never experienced any acts of racism or discrimination against me. For the most part, people will stare or maybe even assume that because I wear a hijab, I’m an illiterate Arab woman who has no control over her life.

 

What I want to know is “why do people discriminate?” Why would any human being feel the need to express their hatred towards another race, sex, or religion? What is that hatred based on? This is not just about Arab-Americans, African-Americans, or any other kind of minority living in America; I’ve seen and heard about many types and forms of discrimination. I know for a fact that Arabs categorize people according to their social status. I’ve seen Arabs discriminate against Arabs from different countries. The list goes on and on. And yes, I do know that this happens everywhere, not just amongst Arabs. My question still stands “why do we feel the need to discriminate against others?” Why is it difficult for us to accept others in spite of their differences?

Have you ever wondered why we always take advantage of the good guy (I don’t mean that literally, I mean “guy” as in person)? Throughout my life I’ve come to realize that it is human nature to take advantage of a nice person. The one person who will always forgive and forget. After all, we can only take advantage of a person who will allow us to do so. The nicer you are, the more likely people will take advantage of that. It almost seems as if you have to be rude, so that people dont take advantage of your kindness.
I used to think that I would never do that to anyone, but unfortunately, it happens sometimes unintentionally. I know for a fact that I act or respond to certain people according to their personalities. I know that sounds bad but it is the truth. I know everybody does it, but they just don’t want to admit it.
This is where it all started. I was thinking one day, “why does my family take advantage of me?” When I thought it through in a deeper sense, I realized that all of us do that. I’ll give you an example: Whenever I need someone to babysit for me, I go to my younger sister, who in this case is the “good person”. I have another sister who I can never take my son to because she gives the impression that she doesn’t like to babysit. I don’t know how to explain that because she doesn’t actually say that she will not babysit for me, but I can sense it. Although, I more likely would do things for her, my older sister, than I would for the “good sister”, (not because I don’t appreciate what she does for me, but because my older sister lives alone with her kids and she doesn’t drive, so I usually do all her errands for her). So you see, it happens unintentionally. The good thing is, I always make up for taking advantage of my sister’s kindness.  
I consider myself a good person and I know for a fact that a lot of people I know take advantage of me.  My father always tells me to do everything for him, although altogether we are 7 brothers and sisters, I’m the only one he seems to depend on. At this point, you’re probably thinking (this is the part where I pretend I actually have an audience), “well maybe he respects you more and thinks your more dependable”, that definitely is not the case. He has always made it clear that he does not approve of my opinions or decisions. He hates that I’m strong willed and independent, so I’m guessing that doesn’t mean he actually asks me to do things out of respect towards me but because he wants to take advantage of me.

At this point, I’m beginning to sound like I’m paranoid, or am I wrong?