What is it that makes life more enjoyable? Some would say money, others prefer status, being healthy, or maybe even the freedom to do whatever pleases us. Let’s face it people, when are we going to be satisfied or content with what we already have? We never stop hoping for more, do we? Don’t you realize it yet? Every time we are granted what we wish for, there is always something out of reach. Is it human nature that makes us this way?
What do we call the lack of satisfaction, is it greed or higher ambition. Although ambition does not really fit this particular issue, we’ll use it for now. This is just my way of making myself feel better because this is not a general topic, this is something personal but generalizing does make me feel less alone.
This subject has always confused me in a way. I try so hard to feel content about my life but there is always a void that cannot be filled. As a Muslim, I acknowledge that this is from shay tan(Satan), the feeling of discontent. I used to think it was because I didn’t achieve the goals that I planned for. That was back in the day when I used to plan things. You know the saying, “If you want to make God laugh, tell Him about your plans”? Unfortunately, I figured that out late in life, the fact that God’s plans are above all.
I feel like there is more that I need to accomplish in life, yet I lack the ability to do so. I am open-minded, I know what I want and I have the power to write. In fact, writing is my way of making up for what I lack in life, but sometimes I feel like my brain has accumulated cobwebs. There is so much that I want to talk about, yet nobody is interested.
Most women I know want to talk about clothes, handbags, and shoes. I want to discuss religion, politics, global warming, different cultures and traditions and how they affect humanity, the relevance of education, and all that interesting stuff. Now you see how confusing this is? I feel like I have to alter my intellect just to fit in my environment. Is it a curse to have a passion for higher intelligence? Maybe this is why I don’t feel content. I don’t feel any relevance in what I’m doing. I cook, I clean, I care for my children. Although I do realize that having to care for a child with CP is challenging enough, yet I still feel that there is more to accomplish. For now, I’ll just stick to writing.
One thing that I’ve always wanted to do is have a part in spreading the faith of Islam. Islam is the most significant aspect in my life that keeps me going, in addition to my children that is. I believe that in order for a person to represent a certain faith, one most have the proper education or at the least, proper knowledge of that faith. I know the basics about Islam, as most Muslims do. What I dream of is a higher education that will allow me to spread my knowledge with confidence.
If there is one thing that I’ve learned, it’s that speaking with confidence is a very powerful tool in influencing those around you. I read a lot of books, watched videos, and listened to lectures about Islam. One thing I know for sure is, I don’t want to be one of those people who lacks clarity in a very significant topic.
I should not allow my lack of education to deter me from spreading what I already know about Islam, but that is just me, there is no grey in my world. You either do it right or don’t do it at all. Does that mean I have to throw the “open-mindedness” out the window? You think? Limiting myself much? Did I mention how complicated I am.
By now your thinking, “this is so self explanatory, how could she not see it.”