Posted by: yemenia68 | February 22, 2009

ARAB MEN: What do you think?

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 This subject has been on my mind forever so I want to get it out there and see how Arab men will react or should I say” learn more about Arab men and their  preferences.”

Gentlemen, lets say you fell in love with a woman who you respect and admire and have total trust in, so you decide to marry her. After marriage, your wife decides she wants to go for higher education (put into consideration that she already has a higher college degree than you). Would that bother you at all or are you the type that doesn’t necessarily believe that the intellectual differences should matter when it comes to marriage.  Another question: would it bother any of you if your wife made more money than you?

Please pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeze be honest on this one. I really appreciate a sincere response, I’m telling you I can read your minds so dont cheat…………hehehe. Lets just forget that people are going to read your reponses, cuz I know deep down inside that that is a major influence in your decision. I truly respect a man that stands behind his beliefs, no matter what they are.

Honestly though, like I mentioned before, phsycology is my passion, so dont forget that I’m taking notes  🙂

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Responses

  1. My mother has two masters degrees, while my father wasn’t fortunate enough to graduate high-school. These are folks who were born in the tail of the 1920’s of the last century.
    They didn’t have a problem with it.
    My sister (who is a Gynaecologist) has a higher degree than her husband (who is also a doctor).
    In both cases women in my immediate family achieved higher degrees while being married.

    Now, I have admit, not all Arab men are like that. Some wouldn’t want to marry an educated woman, let alone supporting her through higher education.

    But the good news is that this paradigm is shifting. That’s the greatest part!

  2. Qwaider:

    Although I kinda figured you came from a highly educated family, regardless of the fact that the females are more educated than the men (I dont even know why I added that) anyways, back to the subject, you didn’t quite answer my question. I specifically asked about your opinion, not your father’s or your brother in law’s, but yours Qwaider.
    You see this is the distinctive aspect of most Arabs, they have trouble accepting that a women has equal rights (and this is not about you, so please dont jump to conclusions) I’m taking about Arab men in general.
    Please dont generalize when you talk about your opinions or beliefs because sadly enough, you dont represent every Arab male, although I do realize you are one of the few exceptions when it comes to my negative judgement on Arab males.
    Like I said I analyze every aspect of people I meet, which helps me to know them better. I try not to judge, although that is human nature, even if we dont admit it, it does happen.
    If you prefer not to answer thats fine too. 🙂

  3. When I say, “this happens in my family” it means, “I find nothing wrong or strage about this”
    Which means, I have no problem with it. Or I support it, and wouldn’t have a problem with it.

    I have also admitted that this might not be the case for everyone

    So not only have I answered your question but I have also admitted to the generalization that you were seeking.
    I didn’t know I have to spell it out 🙂

  4. Qwaider:

    You see, the problem is, us typical folks dont read minds nor do we understand what you might be implying, so please try and be straight forward with your responses. Some of us are a tiny bit clueless so dont assume that you are generally speaking to psychics.

    Btw, I sense a lot of …..”attitude” whenever I’m interacting with you. Can you try and lower it down a notch cuz I really dont appreciate it.

    yemenia—–> (writing her notes on Qwaider’s phsycological behaivor)

  5. You automatically get the ‘tude when you “reject-unconditionally-then-explain”

    If someone gives you the -tude again, try to figure out if you anything to do with it or not

  6. Ok, what on earth did I say to encourage your attitude?
    I simply asked for your opinion on a specific topic. If you feel in any way that I have offended you, I apologize, although I dont see how I could’ve done that.
    You know what, I’m not in the mood for arguement, let’s just say we have a communication disorder and let it be.
    I simply dont enjoy justifying myself to people who choose to be on the skeptical and sarcastic side.

    Salam

  7. Well, I can easily say that I’m looking for an ambitious famale to be my wife, infcat I used to say that I won’t marry anyone with less than a Masters degree! I guess that this is becasue my mom is a PhD holder, while my dad isn’t. but this issue was never a problem in our family. I dropped the condition of marrying with a Masters degree holder, bu tI decided that whoever I’ll be with, she should have the ambition to carry on with her studies no matter the circumstances were.
    about the money issue, the same thig goes on, my Mom gets a higher pay than my Dad, but this was never put up as an issue or a problem, but I believe that this is not an issue that the man should be concerned with, it’s my mom who takes care not to make it a big issue, they both have the money in a matual account, and this issue is never bruught into light, I think that men will become upset about it when he feels that this makes the woman has more privilages than him at home or when she starts to brag about it,or even use it to insult him if they have a conflict.
    So, I guess no, I won’t have a problem with my wife going to a higher education, or having a bigger salary than mine

  8. Ulysses:

    Sometimes the men dont have the confidence to even allow or accept that his wife has a higher degree or makes more money.
    A woman who brags about this issue, or intentionally provokes her husband’s jealousy, or insults him about it, is merely not a person to be trusted or respected, which is a whole different topic.
    Thanks for your insight. 🙂

  9. Don’t be agitating the Arab men now 😉

  10. It’s not my intention to agitate Arab men, I only wanted some insight on how Arab men feel about this issue.
    This is apparently a sensitive issue and maybe that’s why not too many people made any comments.
    🙂

  11. I don’t think so dear, it is probably because of your hostlity!

  12. Sorry, I meant to write hostility!

  13. Pamela

    It would be better for everyone if you address the person you are directing your comment to. It would also be another good idea not to judge people you dont even know.

  14. It would be better for everyone, if you re-read Quaider’s comments again.
    If you want me to spell it out, you have quite a ferocious writing style and seem to be wanting people to agree with you, that is not the way the world works. When I mentioned hostility, I meant yours, Yemenia.
    I am suggesting that you are scaring people off by verbally jumping on them when they post.
    Of course there is another possibility, English isn’t your first language? and your posts lack a certain warmth.

  15. Pamela:
    Actually, it is true that i have a negative attitude towards the Arab culture and how gender role dictates the Arab society. I understand that this happens in other cultures as well. I post about the Arab culture because that is my culture.

    I realize that this is not the right way to make a difference, but this is how I feel about the issue. Maybe I can learn to deal with my “ferocious” opinions and begin a more positive writing technique, but until then, this is all I have.

    It’s funny how you wrote “Of course there is another possibility, English isn’t your first language? and your posts lack a certain warmth.”
    Not only English speaking individuals possess the “certain wamth” you mentioned.

  16. Yemenia68, I agree with your comments about the gender role, but I don’t believe it is any different anywhere else no matter how liberal the customs. I have arab friends and I have always found them to be kind, intelligent, generous and interesting people. They cannot help the way they were brought up as I cannot help the way I was raised.
    I believe change is occurring in arab and indeed in other countries, but it takes time.
    There are clear differences between the sexes and that is how it is meant to be. One sex is not more intelligent than the other and we have as I like to think of it, complimentary qualities.
    I would like to correct you on your last comment however, you misunderstand me. I most certainly do not hold the belief that only English speakers have a certain warmth.
    What I actually meant, was that some things are lost in translation. I wasn’t implying that being a native speaker of English endows a person with warmth, but if you choose to interpret it that way then I am sorry, that really wasn’t my intention and perhaps I was a little ferocious?

  17. This is why I love blogging. I get the opportunity to understand what people think of me and/or my opinions.
    For the majority of my life I’ve felt a sense of isolation from the rest of the world. I grew up in a very strict environment that, for some reason, dictated the importance of isolating females from their born rights. Maybe that’s where my “hostility” comes from.
    If you were a mother who was denied the right to raise her children (of which one of whom happens to be disabled) after a divorce and then pressured into another marriage to a person you hardly know and who also happens to be 10 years younger than you, maybe you might become a little hostile too.
    Sorry for the misunderstanding, perhaps we can start over. I’m really not a bad person. 🙂

  18. Yemenia68, I am so glad we cleared that up. You are not alone, women all over the world are denied the freedoms that men have, no matter what their background.
    I don’t feel it’s because men are bad, just wired differently. Some men will use whatever means they can to restrict women because they feel threatened and more usually, insecure, some because they are control freaks.
    It’s a very complex issue I think and race is just one issue, upbringing, religion, tradition are others.
    What I do think is interesting is that my ‘western’ father, brothers and husband all had issues with my going to college and university in the belief that it would…….

  19. rot my brain, turn me into a lesbian (LOL) make me think I was better than them.
    Whereas my male Arab friends (Iranian, Iraqi, Lebanese and Jordanian) all admire and respect my intelligence.
    The moral is there are good and bad people of both sexes, in all races and backgrounds, in my opinion.
    Yarhamkom allah Yemenia.

  20. Thanks Pamela 🙂
    It’s good to know that we finally came to an agreement.

  21. Yemenia,
    I don’t now why the moment I started reading your post (just the very begining) I felt that this is coming from an arab girl who has personal issues and grew up in a strict society…which later on in the post has been proven/addmitted.

    there is no problem with arab women, the only problem is they never thought of having a problem and always lived and been strong and survived and wored and also breast-fed babies (best example prophet’s wife, buisness woman)…until this dumb western concept of feminism that only created a new “fitna” between the sexes, nad made more sex tools , alot of the so-called independent women have done more harm to women across the globe than did good…
    this very heated and charged opinion bis coming from an arab male, GO JIHAD if you think you are opressed then fight fight fight , fight your father and your brother and if you dies, heaven is where you are going …BUT don’t “girl power” western organization in the arab world oooooh they have sexisim issues type shit!

    To answer your question NO am not sexist, I’d like to be like the prophet mohammad, his wife was independent and strong..but she was no opra neither a britney!! you feel me now..

    arab sexism exist, but you can fight it with islam, not with the enemies of islam, because they don’t give a fuck about arab women they just want the world to thin arab sexism is form islam, which is the opisite..

  22. Tareq,

    Is there anything in my post that suggests that I’m not a religious person? I pray, I fast, I wear Islamic apparel, such as jilbab and hijab. Yes, I grew up in a very strict environment, but that doesn’t mean that I’m going against my religion because I choose to talk my mind.
    What I dont like though is the mentality that entitles Arabs to follow customs and traditions that don’t have anything whatsoever to do with religion. The problem is that most Arabs confuse religion with tradition and by following tradition, they leave out the religious perspective which consequently takes them to the wrong path.
    Many of my posts are inspired by personal events, therefore causing me to lash out at Arab men in general and thats my mistake. But you can’t deny that Sexism is a very strong issue in the Arab world.
    If you have an idea on how I should properly address this issue without causing any disrespect, I’m open to suggestions.
    My posts may seem too aggresive for some people, but I tell it like it is.


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