Posted by: yemenia68 | April 6, 2009

Taking advantage of the “good guy”


Responses

  1. you are right, but what I feel that it’s not some thing bad.

    what I mean that I’m sure that there is some one your young sister take advantage of .

    It’s like give and take, but not for and from the same person, this is life.

  2. بعرف أن الحياة أخذ و عطا بس أحياناً بنستغل الناس الطيبين لمجرد انهم طيبين

    There are things you can get away with when you’re dealing with a nice person, as opposed to when you’re dealing with the not so nice person……..am I making sense at all?

  3. I think I got what you mean 😀
    and it’s true

  4. When i read the title i remembered a quote that i love “I don’t have a heart of gold and I *don’t* grow one later, OK? But relax. There’s other people a lot nicer coming up – we call them “losers.” ”
    Hehe, we all do it and its not because we are bad or good, its just some people have the temperment to help, and some don’t. On the other hand you should always be honest with yourself about it, cause a lot of time people bottle up the fact that they don’t want to help and do it anyways and end up screwing things around…. sometimes its ok to say “no”, actually its usually necessary to inform the other party of the existance of limits because people don’t operate on the idion “iza habibak 3asal til7asoosh kollo (if ur buddy is as sweet as a honey pot, don’t lick it all ” and they end up licking him/her clean

  5. I’ve always been told that I should put limitations to what family members expect of me, but thats the problem, I don’t know how.
    When I tend to “take advantage”, its usually simple things that I know I can pay back, but there are those who literally exhaust you with their requests and expectations.
    Let me be honest here, the issue is mostly about my parents expectations of me, all the other people I can deal with, but when it comes to my parents, it seems impossible for me to tell them no.
    I know this sounds pathetic, but how do you tell your parents no?

  6. Very true that this is could get really frustrated easily, particularly when it comes to family, and even worse if you are a family member with proprietary knowledge.

    Imagine that my entire family (including the remote relatives) have computers and been using them for years, however you are the only one who is actually working in the industry. I so happen is a “nice person” (at least that’s what they think) too so that I ended up spending hours and hours solving all kinds of so called “technical problems” that actually every other person know how to solve. They just tend to think that you are a better choice for to ask for this favor since “you are more knowledgeable” and “you are a relative, easier to ask a ‘Small Favor’ (as they look at all problems with their computer)”.
    (I did end up spending 40+ hours in 2 weeks solving these problems few months ago.) It’s just like a technician supporting a company or organization with 20+ employees and computers. Work is endless.

    It’s been stressful years, and I finally have had it. Now I will simply address to them that I’m just their better choice instead of only choice right in their face, but at the same time giving them suggestion on alternatives. For example to have their own friend(s) to take care of the easier part first and I will take care of the rest or if there are really other problems that need more advance technical attention. That has saved me tens of hours each month meanwhile keeping everyone happy.

    By the time I figured all these out, it’s already taken me 8 whole years. It wasn’t easy at all.

    Sry for this messy response coz it gets my nerves like PTSD everytime when I think about it.

  7. These posts are really a lesson in gratitude. It is so important for people to start learning at an early age how to recognize kindness in others and express gratitude. Parents give so much to kids, then the kids learn a sense of entitlement. Then the parents get older and expect the same sort of selflessness from their kids. We’d all be more willing to help each other if people did not just expect it and expressed sincere appreciation for all the things other people do for us.

  8. […] Taking advantage of the “good guy” April 2009 7 comments 5 […]

  9. This is so damn true. My wife and i are considered nice people and we could very well fall into that “Nice guy” mold. I believe i should share this as it may make me feel lighter as i am always bottling things up inside. My parents looked after me until the age of 16, they used to sacrifice their happiness just so that i be happy and get what i want. I wasn’t a spoilt kid though and started thinking of their troubles from a very early age, so much so i started working at 16 when my dad lost his job. I have been looking after the family, which includes mom, dad and younger sister for the past 15 years. I still feel that i owe them gratitude. I got married 7 years ago to a girl i was in love with, and she is even more nicer and gentler than i am. Her mother threw her out of her house due to the fact she had tuberculosis and she could not earn money to give her greedy mother. She threw her out in the middle of the night with no place to go. Even today, she looks after her mother and sends her monetary and other help and keeps fulfilling her demands. This always intrigues me, i asked her a few times as to why she helps the one who threw her out on the road, and he answer is “She gave birth to me”. My mother in law is the worst kind of mother in law you can find and her side of the family is a set of conniving scamsters, the lowest of the low. She demands for everything and my wife fulfills it, although recently she has been pushing back a bit at her requests. Mother in laws sister is also being looked after by my wife as she is old and has no family and was never married. Her brother got married recently and it was us who fit the wedding expenses , because the guy didnt have a job. Before marriage we told them not to think of kids until another 3 years till they were settled. Guess what, his wife is now pregnant within a year!!

    My family also demands money from me every now and then. I do hold up a tech job and my wife works too, but that does not mean they should take advantage of me now , is it? I feel i have already paid my debt to them but cannot say no because they looked after me till the age of 16. We pay all medical expenses for her mother, aunt and my parents and also look after them by sending money over every month.

    Today my brother in law calls and asks for money again and makes his pregnant wife talk because he wants to invoke sympathy from my wife. Damn!!! I just needed to get this out. Sorry for the long post!

  10. I feel for you & your wife Micky. You should tell your brother in law that in 2 months you will be unable to provide any more money to them. That your other expenses will not allow for it. ~ This will give him time to find a job and a timeline, otherwise he will never actually try to find a good job to provide for his family.
    I was taken advantage of for years. I finally could no longer give away all of my money. I needed it to raise my daughter and pay rent. The person flipped out even with FOUR months notice and I had to get a restraining order….. Speak to a counselor about your life. They will give you healthy ways to make life better. ~Love to you and your Sweet Wife~

    • Thanks for the kind words… things have improved a bit since then… we did pay for the hospital expenses and the first birthday party. He did not have a single penny to spend on his daughters first birthday. We gave him a thorough dressing down and he is now working steady for 4 months. He still expects stuff from us butcwe have plugged that gap to an extent. 🙂

  11. yemenia68 ~
    Your post is still very relative in 2016.
    Thank you Yemenia


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