Liberal or conservative?

I have always wondered why it is so hard to find a true friend that I can confide in, relate to, and feel comfortable around. I’ve had friends come and go, but I have never come across a person who I am comfortable with and can trust. The only best friend I’ve ever had is my older sister. We’ve been through a lot together, but these past few years, we have drifted apart, due to a lot of personal issues. I guess it was easier for us to connect when we were younger but nowadays, we simply have nothing in common any more.
Part of why I don’t have close friends is maybe because I’ve been isolated most of my life. Another reason is because I’ve been moving from here to Yemen and back since I was 12, which makes it even harder to find friends when you don’t have a stable life or home.
I guess my mentality and lifestyle also have something to do with my lack of close friends. I consider myself a liberal at mind, yet conservative when it comes to my lifestyle.  (This has nothing to do with politics, I’m referring to lifestyle choices) When I say liberal, I don’t mean extremely liberal. I’m open-minded, I believe in equality and freedom and justice for all. My lifestyle on the other hand, is very conservative. I am a practicing Muslim, who wears hijab and follows a very strict Islamic lifestyle. You’re probably wondering how a person can be liberal and conservative at the same time. I think that it is very possible because we choose our beliefs and behavior. I just follow the ideas that I strongly believe in. Taking a little of both sides is not a crime. Let’s just say I’m a crossroad between liberal and conservative.
There are times when I think that I really don’t know what I’m talking about because I try expressing what I feel or believe without actually considering that I might be wrong about a certain issue or topic. To be honest, it really never matters to me what others think about my opinions, as long as I know that I will never hurt or mistreat any one, I definitely have the right to my own opinions.
Getting back to the subject, I must say that I’ve come across many people who believe that my mentality contradicts with my lifestyle. People tend to judge me based on my choice of clothing (which is a jilbab and hijab). For some reason, people seem to believe that Islam and liberalism contradict each other. I don’t see why they can’t co-exist. It mostly depends on how you define liberalism.
One day in class, my professor asked each of us to read our papers in front of the class. After I finished reading my paper, the students asked me questions about what I wrote. They were surprised how open-minded I was because they noticed that I was very shy and never spoke much in class. One of the students asked me if I was allowed to speak with men (which surprised me). I didn’t see anything wrong with the question because that was his way of understanding more about my culture.
This incident made me realize that people do notice that I don’t socialize with men. That is part of the mentality that I became accustomed to (when I was living in Yemen). Another thing that I have come to realize is the fact that every culture, other than Yemeni culture, believes it is normal for a female to socialize with men. In the Yemeni culture, it is inappropriate for women to socialize with the opposite sex. The funny thing is, I’ve been working and attending school, and I still have the same mentality. I always try to avoid talking or interacting with the opposite sex. My employer tells me that I need to open up and socialize more often if I plan on pursuing my career. Even the female employees that I work with find it strange that I don’t socialize with men, considering how open-minded I am.
I can honestly say that my behavior towards men comes from fear of being judged by my own culture. I hate that most Yemeni men see women as nothing more than sexual objects and that is basically why I don’t interact with men. I’ve always thought that all Arab men are alike, but I was proven wrong.  I know there are a low percentage of Yemeni males who judge women based on their intellect, but the majority still follows the same ignorant mentality that does not see beyond the physical aspects of a female.
I’ve been around men from different Arab backgrounds and I can honestly say that it actually saddens me to know that Yemeni men are almost the only ones who view women and judge them in a disrespectful manner. I’m pretty sure there are some males from different cultures that have the same mentality, but the Yemeni’s make up the majority.
I do this a lot. I start talking about one subject and then drift into another. Back to my subject…………Why are true friends hard to find? Why can’t I find someone that I can relate to, someone with similar interests? Is there something wrong with me?